I'm done being nice.

“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.

Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” – Mahatma Ghandi

“Be nice.”

We’ve heard these thousands of times in our lives:

“Don’t do that. That’s not nice.”

“That wasn’t very nice of you.”

“Nice people finish last.”

And on, and on, and on: we are taught from the time we are young to be nice people, and if you’re a nice person, you’ll get a nice job, with a nice house, and settle down in a nice neighborhood. One of the goals set by the world is to achieve the pillar of “nice.”

The goal that is set for Christians is to not follow the will of the world, but to be like Jesus (as simple and difficult as that!). Why, then, would we behave in a way that would not help others and ourselves along that journey? When did we become okay with trading out our beliefs for the perceived approval of others and being “nice”? Why do we succumb to the heresy of niceness?

The Heresy of Niceness

Part of the problem is our misunderstanding of the word “nice.” On the surface, “nice” is, well, a nice thing to be. Nice is being “pleasing, agreeable or delightful.” We can understand wanting to be “pleasing” and “agreeable” in our interactions with others. We would be thrilled to hear that others think us of as “delightful.” But the heresy of niceness takes the concept of “nice” and poisons it so that it diminishes our ability to be the hands and feet of Christ in our communities.

The heresy of niceness is sacrificing or compromising personal beliefs or values in order to avoid inflicting (perceived) pain or guilt or shame onto another. We all do this every day in so many ways: when we don’t hold others accountable to what they have said they will do; when we don’t hold ourselves accountable to how Christ said we should act; when we don’t offer up the truth when it is needed. Inevitably, the heresy of niceness causes harm to everyone in the community, and often worse harm than the harm we try to avoid by being nice.

What we really mean when we say someone should “be nice” is that they should be kind. Kind is having “a good or benevolent nature or disposition, desiring to do good to others as with charitableness or goodwill.” Kind is being loving, but truthful. And sometimes, the truth hurts. The truth holds us accountable. It tells us things we don’t want to hear, but things that we need to know in order to grow.

Note the focus in the words of kind and nice. Nice focuses on the opinions of others as it relates to ourselves: they view us as pleasing, agreeable or delightful. Kind focuses on our outward behaviors for the betterment of others through benevolence and charitable actions.

Consider the accounts of Jesus throughout the New Testament. Would you say Jesus was kind or nice?