The World View of One Specific Introvert

I'm moving out of state in 33 days. In that time, I need to downsize my 2 bedroom apartment of all it's knickknacks, stuffs and things.

I've been carefully going through the items that I'm not taking with me in this transition: boxes of "I'll get to that later"s and "Family heirlooms that need to be somewhere in the family" things. It's been a nice trip through memory lane in sorting through my grandmother's jewelry, old birthday cards, and photographs.

I've been culling my art supplies to a more manageable haul, looking at sketchbooks that only have a few pages used in them, tearing out the used pages, and putting the now-empty sketchbooks in a donation box to a local school's middle-school art program.

I'm often embarrassed by the low quality of what I've made in these sketchbooks over the past ten year, but every now and then, I find a gem:

I got a huge chuckle out of this. This sketch was inspired by the artwork of Wendy MacNaughton in the book "Lost Cat," where she paints a portrait of the world view of the cat in question (Tibby). I thought it was a great exercise, and so did one for myself.

As we can see, circa 2013 me has some serious anxiety issues. Even today, 90% of these fears and anxieties are still applicable to me, but to lesser degrees (or smaller circles, if you follow the visual above).

For instance, anxieties I am most likely never going to conquer:

-- Mall kiosk salespeople. I dread going into malls in general, but having someone in the aisles just waiting to pounce on me as I am trying to just get the trip over with and get back home is never, ever going to be okay with me.

-- The Easter Bunny. I'm not talking the cute cartoon ones or the Cadbury ones. I'm talking the giant dressed-up adult in a mascot-type costume with full face mask of a rabbit ones. I was terrified by a giant pink one when I was three (my mother has photographic proof, and this photo actually ran on the cover of the lifestyle section of my hometown newspaper... trauma level up!). I haven't gotten over it.

-- High School Reunions. To this day, I haven't gotten to one (I've missed about 3, last I counted), and I don't ever plan to attend one. I'm not longer close with any of the friends I had in high school, and much of my high school experience was subjected to bullying. I have no desire to go back to the people who I really didn't like and make uncomfortable and disingenuous small talk over an overpriced meal where I feel out of place because I am single and childless. To those who claim "High school is the best time of your life," I have never understood that sentiment and never want to try.

Some of the anxieties I've overcome, to a degree:

-- I'm better at speaking in front of large crowds (though I still prefer a script, I can wing it better than I used to be able to.

-- I've successfully held three infants and didn't drop any of them! It's still not something I am excited to do, but I can do it.

-- I am proud that I have come to accept that Failure is always an option, and that failure doesn't strip me of any value as a person. It's just an outcome of an event. It doesn't define me.

I would encourage you, dear reader, to think about your insecurities or anxieties or fears and how you might place them in your own rings of hell. Since I've shared this photo online, I've had mulitple comment that it is a useful exercise to try. You might find it helpful as well.

#MBTI #INFJ #anxiety #sketchbook